Sunday, July 29, 2007
FOOT '07 SagaThe camp is finally over.
I remembered someone said:
Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories. Somewhere deep in my heart, I know the memories from this camp will bound me forever. Be it good or bad, there are here to stay. They are the souvenirs from a hard-fought war.
To those who know me, I'm not the kind of person who breaks down easily. I can count the number of breakdown episodes (at least in public), in all my 19 years, with one hand. But during this camp, I broke down 3 times. That's a lot. When I mean public breakdown, I mean in front of people I know, or openly crying. When I was telling Wanlin about this the other day, she said something. "I've never seen you break down once lol..."
The 6 days were helluva ride. And it was EVERYDAY, from day 1 down to the last day. Never was there a day when it wasn't eventful or I didn't experience a heart-stopper moment. I think I told a lot of people what happened during the camp. The politics that happened, the misunderstandings that took place.
Now that 1 week plus has passed, I don't really have the energy to repeat anymore. Be it you come and ask me personally. Or be it I suddenly have the inspiration to blog about the entire 6 days. But I wun be complaining in this entry.
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Instead I must thank some people. Others, I'm just writing some musings of what I think of them.
Kaileng (programmer): Because she helped me shoot Jeremy that day. What she said really echoed what I wanted to say, but don't have the energy to say. Although she's difficult to work with some times, she's always there lol. I'm sorry I wasn't always there for her, but I tried to be there as often as I can. Thanks gal! Hope to see you around still!
Jeremy (programmer): After the camp, I think there was a period of time when we are quite strained. But now...I think things are clearing up. We still can joke and luff lol. Erm....Just hope we can work in the "new comm"? See first lol. But I learnt some things from him la. He made me grow up.
Mike (programmer): He's one guy I respect after the camp. He always seems to know what he's doing. But he can be stubborn at times. And I mean VERY stubborn. But I always get an impression he knows what he's doing (in a sinister way)...that's more to him than it seems.
Ren Jian (logistics): He's one funny guy! I will miss him totally. And I must say, I have utmost respect for him! If he runs again for main comm, I will vote for him. But sadly, he's not. During this FOOT, I didn't get to interact much with him, but ya....He's not that kind who shows he care, but I know he does. In very subtle ways. I know you cared boss!
Weisi (logistics): He's the irritatin' fellow my mother says he's shuai. Says he looks like korean guy. erh...-_-" He's damn retarded! Always say things to contradict himself, then I never seem to know when he's lying or saying the truth. Can't be bothered with him totally.
Guoqiang (logistics): He's my pelepah pal for one day! I keep trashing him at card games at base camp, cos he's damn lan. I think he will be hen-pecked by his gf, but damn funny to be around him. Cos he always talk in that kind of weird tone. Will miss him if he doesn't run or doesn't hang around.
Gim Yean (welfare): GY is totally doesn't fit her image one. She looks damn nerd nerd kind, but she's damn funny! She always say v OFF things at the wrong times, but in actual fact she's v smart one. SCHOLAR leh! But she's still damn cute. Will totally miss her!
Yong Hang (SPO): YH is one emo kia. But I feel totally comfy working with him. He's very supportive, v comfy to work with. But as SPO, he's still young lol. Don't be too hard on urself la sister! Jiayou!
Min An (SPO): An zai, dun give anymore debriefs...I can totally sleep liao.
All the other gals, paiseh I have v little interaction with u all. But I will miss you all, especially Huimin & ur lame jokes! Irritatin' fellow!
Esther Low Su Hui (who went for FOOT as helper): Sorry gal, I like never really interact much with you during FOOT. I know you have Kaiyi with you, so I kind of more fang xing leave you with him. Really hope you all have fun, or seen somethings k! Paiseh, I was caught up with my own stuff during the whole camp also. I want to hear your side of the story k! Meet up soon~
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Finally, Serene (Lim, not Tan; main comm):
I have a lot of things to say about her, but I can spend 3 days 3 nights and still mei wan mei liao. I just have to say if she wasn't around in this FOOT, I won't have enjoyed it as much as I did. I also would be leaving ODAC if it wasn't for her influence.
To tell you the truth, I depended quite abit on her during FOOT. If not for the late night bitching sessions with her and Kaileng, I wun have enjoyed the camp as much. I wun have learnt so much things, and it would pretty much be like all the other camps.
I would think, out of all my friendships, this guan xi is the most unique. First thing cos we gam so fast from the start. Min An asked a very funny question after FOOT ended. "How come you and Serene so gam suddenly?" I didn't know how to answer. It's not a question to be answered.
Second thing is how truthful and simple we want to keep it. There are a lot of external speculation. But the truth is, we know where we stand. We know how we want it to be like. It's a very real friendship. I don't have to second guess any and every action. I just have to ask. And it's very rare to have that level of trust, and openness. For that, I'm thankful. And grateful. That's y it's so special. That's why I treasure it a lot.
These few days I've been thinking. I really got a whole bunch of close friends leh. All of whom I can talk xing shi with. I suddenly felt v loved. V v bei mo le. Suddenly feel like meeting them all. Suddenly feel like catching up. but no time, sch's startin le. Sigh. But no matter what, I really treasure all my friendships with you all. Cos I know although I MIA at times, you all will always be there. So shuang de feeling. Sigh. Sentimental liao....wah to do...
Give me a call or something k...if you're feeling down or need someone to talk to. I will try my best to give u my ear....
Its just me and you <3 .
6:16 PM
Sunday, July 08, 2007
for my own welfare, i think i should blog just tis once.
*even though I should be v busy & doing stuff like packing*
I just feel like saying something.....
DAMN IRRITATIN"!!
Next week is CS camp. First thing first, I dunno if I'll enjoy it not. At the briefing I already v sian diao by the organizing comm. *pray they dun read my blog cross fingers* One thing is how the P n VP can go overseas for 1 mth before the camp. If you're the P or VP, at least one of you should be in Singapore to zhu ci da ju. Not leave it to your programmers or other people to organize.
Then they told us not to be so cliquish. WTH who's the most cliquish one lol. Look at their own committee. So many people didn't even know how they were chosen in the first place. Thank goodness my head is one of the good people in the comm. The few of us under her agree la.
Then the most important thing I think this comm failed is they nv pull the whole comm plus subcomm together lol. One thing says all: They are living in their own world. I look at the webbie, I shake head. Well, it's nicely done up and all, but it turns ME off lol. Totally. Cos I "sort of" know what happens behind the nice facade.
Hope I'll enjoy the camp lol. Besides I keep getting drawn out of CS camp cos of ODAC camp's stuff. Can't really enjoy anyway. Sian, hope Foxtrot November will be fun lah.
ODAC FOOT is another thing.
Today's Sunday. Tml we have night bike recce, so I have to come out of CS camp until tues night. Tuesday night we have ODAC briefing. Thursday, they are going pelepah. I wan to go pelepah, but I got FN that night. *shrug* Today yonghan said we have meeting on friday. CS camp is until friday. So i'm effectively going for 2 days of the camp....wth.... Saturday we going to settle some stuff for camp. Sunday stayin over until monday START OF CAMP!
2 entire weeks without going home. Great. But I need to find time to travel from NTU back to sengkang one day. To bring all my barang barang back to NTU again.
Not considering I have no time to move out of my hall room by 15th july (which is the sunday before FOOT). When can I ever find time to move out lol. WHO CAN HELP ME!!
都说了，我自找的。
Our timeline is not finalised yet, but Jeremy's finally doing it. So one thing off my back. Today finally settle alot of stuff. But still got alot unfinished. There's so many things to remember I think i will forget. Wonderful.
To make things worst. I asked esther n kaiyi to come to ODAC camp. I was thinking they can become SAs then try out the camp la. But I forgot they dunno anyone in ODAC except me. Especially since they are from NUS. But kaiyi said he know someone from ODAC...wonder who the person is.
I was thinking it's okay one. Then Yali told me it's kinda weird cos the GLs dunno them, can't work with them also ma. So she said make them helpers la. Then I was thinking, FOOT people also dun really know them. V weird also wah. But anyway they're coming to FOOT. Hope they will entertain themselves n have fun. V weird if I have 2 PAs.
Serene told me past years FOOT they have prob with people coming from outside sch to FOOT. So that's y dun haf. Yali nv tell me!!! if not da si wo, also wun ask them come. But ask liao, *actually I just say say de* den v bad to reject them. But esther, you know me la, nvm hor. Come n have fun k!
*pray hard*
Serene Lim, if you see this, PLEASE DON'T BE ANTI-SOCIAL!
Its just me and you <3 .
2:16 PM
Friday, July 06, 2007
很多时候，在处理感情问题的时候，我们尝试很理性地分析和处理。可是感情问题本身就是不理性的，为什么又要理性地处理呢？我觉得这很矛盾。
以前要是有人来问我感情问题，我会很理性地告诉朋友，应该这样这样做才对啊。对那时的我来说，对就是对，错就是错。最近有个朋友感情上出现了问题来问我。我觉得他本身就做错一些事，而且他自己也知道。可是知道跟会不会改是两回事。对于他来说，他知道理智上应该放手，但是他却不忍心放手。人长期性倚赖另一个人久了，会养成一种倚赖的习惯。
他既然懂该做什么，可是又不做，我能讲些什么？骂他、讲他也没用。最后选择还是他的。我只能说保重了！不是说我冷酷无情，可是他来问我，是寻求肯定不是吗？难道我说，好你跟他分手吧，就会分吗？我不想我一句话就给他借口分手。我不是高估我的影响力，只是不想好心做坏事。
朋友，如果你看到这些，我只能说：You have my support! But don't procrastinate liao!
Its just me and you <3 .
10:32 PM
Monday, July 02, 2007
I hate stayin in hall on a sunday, 'cos the comp lab is closed. So once I got hold of a computer today, I'm going to blog & bitch about things. But that can wait...
I just happen to read Zejia's blog just now. His entries always v philosophical & mind-boggling. As usual, there was an entry about 1 year anniversary, and I half expected Jasmine's name to pop up. Too bad they're still kor & mei's relationship.
But the more interestin entry is the one about "What's love". Haha...he's the only guy I know who always talks about love & what's not. Amongst the guys, maybe only yin how is comparable, but he's majoring in PHILOSOPHY, so his obsession with the topic is understandable. Ze Jia is just different lol, I guess.
He likes to blog in Chinese. Good in a way for me, cos I can practice my chinese. I like his take on love: 怎么知道你爱一个人? 想每天看见他. 想和他一起出门. 想了解他, 和他说话. 没有他你会不知所措. 他生你的气, 你会很伤心. 他不开心, 你也会不开心. 他是你生活不可缺少的. 你依赖他, 习惯他, 需要他. 你寂寞时, 他在你身边. 你失落是, 他鼓励你. 你很了解他, 他对你的一切了如指掌. 这就是爱.
Then he said what I wanted to say: 但, 有没有想过, 以上的这种种感觉, 其实也可以是对于一个朋友. 一个很好的朋友, 一个生死之交. 你会要朋友在一旁鼓励你, 支持你. 你期待和朋友出去, 期待他的陪伴.
Then comes the climax: 唯一分辨所谓的"爱"和"友谊"的就是, 性别. 如果是男的, 就是朋友. 如果是女的, 就是爱. 不要拿一个普通的朋友来相比. 看一看你和你最要好的朋友的关系. 你可以失去他吗? 他了解你吗? 你失落开心时, 他都在吗? 这种好友难找, 就如自己的另一半一样难.
那么, 所谓的友谊岂不是只是不接受的爱? 问过很多人, 所谓真正的爱是什么的感觉?
是因为你对她比你对你的好友有什么更深的感情?
只因为是男的所以只可以做朋友?
还是会有人说, 爱就是一种很特别的感觉, 来了就是来了, 不是可以解释的. 说穿了, 那所谓的独特感觉, 就只因为是一个她. 如果一个人可以把狗当作自己最爱的生物, 如果他可以把感情移到一的动物身上, 那么为什么一个同性的人却不如一个生物?
This entry put what I've been thinking into words v aptly. But I just want to ask "zejia, what happened to you?!"
In my opinion, i think there's many different kinds of love in this world. There's the kind of platonic love (I think) which you would never want to develop into something more. Instead, you just like things to remain the way they are. At this stage, you just want to enjoy the company & the guan xi.
Sometimes, this kinda guan xi will develop further into what people call steady relationship, or BGR or BBR or GGR. Whatever way you wan it. I think it's when one of the parties pose the official question & the other accepts. That's the point when it tilts over to the steady relationship phrase ba.
But this guan xi needs commitment and effort. I don't understand why, but t think somehow this "structure" seems to stifle things. When it becomes a responsibility or obligation to report, it seems so much like a chore. And the more you detest to do tt, the more the relationship will be strained. Cos I see alot of my frens' relationships are like that, and my heart turns cold lol.
Anyway I deviate. If a guy and a guy are v close, but they can stay at the platonic level 友谊. But if one guy decides to develop it further & ask the question, and the other accepts, they move on to what Zejia said as 爱. I think it takes alot of courage for a guy to pose the question to another guy. To admit you're queer. So 友谊不是不接受的爱, it's whether the person involved dares to move it up a notch anot. 爱是要冒险，要主动的。没有冒险、主动的爱是会永远停留在友谊的阶段。
Its just me and you <3 .
10:23 AM