Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I am damn sick now. Be it in the physical context or emotional context.
Physically, I'm still down with flu, cough and migraine. Today it worsened to the stage that the migraine is making me feel like puking. I'm not even sure if it's linked to my emotional state not. Anyway, I really feel v sick. And the feeling of wanting to puke is damn er. I can't even look at this screen while i'm typing cos it makes me feel like puking. At the worst, I can't even sms or read a book cos everything gives me a headache. Damn la.
*So pardon me if there are any spelling mistakes*
Anyway, felicia is out running now. And it's v dark outside. Wanlin has returned home to get some stuff from her dad, so I'm alone here.
Anw for the emotional part. Coming to the U and SCI has created alot of changes to my life. Initially, I thought I was quite resilient or what not. But I guess, under this kinda distressed state and the stress of looming deadlines(deadlines for project discussions), I started to "hallucinate" in the wrong way. I am really terribly sick. With this irritating cough that I can never recover from. This persistent migraine. And the sensation of puking. WTH. And of cos alone in the room.
The worst part is I don't know where to turn to.
If I'm home, at least I can hibernate in my room, where I feel v safe. My family, no matter what, is outside. Kinda think of it, I like going home these days. But now, esp alone in the hostel room, is v dreadful. Family seems far away. Friends are here, but it's v difficult to tell them how I feel. Like I walk up to wanlin and say "Hey gal, I v sad now leh.." wth. So nvm. I don't feel like calling my mother cos I will just end up crying.
And I don't know when fel is coming back. On one hand, I'm worried cos it's so dark outside n she's not back yet. On the other hand, I don't want her to see me like tt. Aiya, I don't know la. I still have to research on alot of stuff, like Deep Throat and on CS102 topic... Discussion tml. Sian....
Its just me and you <3 .
8:11 PM
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Anyway, I was reading up on Koizumi’s visit to the Yasukuni shrine just a minute ago. And out of the blue, I had an “Eureka” moment. Cos initially I was an avid supporter for China and South Korean’s side. Namely because I am a Chinese and it seems unethical to be supporting a country that killed my “tong bao” (as the Chinese communist tong zhi will put it) 50 years ago.
And primarily, also because I was taught, from a tender age, that Japanese were unrepentant and unremorseful.
Why so?
Because their PM Koizumi pays a visit to the war shrine every year despite the fact that war criminals were enshrined there as well.
Actually, the main motivation for me, was the fact that I have heard Japanese educators taught the students a thwarted version of that part of history. In a way, it’s deception and brain-washing. So at that instant, I was inclined to take China’s stand.
Yet, today, when I was reading this article, I was hit by this phrase “kamikaze suicide pilots would tell one another, "See you at Yasukuni".”
That was how much the shrine means for the Japanese population and especially those who had sacrificed during the war. Irregardless of the atrocities committed, hasn’t death repaid all debts? The Chinese Taoism saying goes something like this, “everything can be nullified by death, and death alone”.
So 50 years after the war, the dirt has long settled. The hatchet should long have been buried. After all these centuries of accusations and apologies, shouldn’t bygones be bygones. Shouldn’t the dead be given a chance to RIP?
Its just me and you <3 .
10:21 AM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I remembered a friend of mine once said, he doesn't want a girlfriend who will bother him with those nitty-gritties like what she ate that morning or who she met that day.
Today, on the train, I was reading my textbk Communication Mosaics. In chapter one, the author says that long-distance couples miss the "small talk" the most. They missed being able to share this sort of intimacy and nitty-gritties.
So, does these small stuff matter?
Its just me and you <3 .
10:20 PM