Saturday, January 28, 2006
当欢笑离开，寂寞入侵的时候，一个人会很丑陋。所以我觉得，世界上最可悲的人莫过于讨厌自己的人。当你开始讨厌自己的时候，世界会变成灰色的。灰蒙蒙的，没有点阳光。所以我总觉得这种人很可悲，可怜。在灰色的世界里，会有那道彩虹的出现吗？
有时隧道的尽头会有那道曙光，但隧道到底有多长呢？ 还是是永无止境的呢？有时人会绝望，也会失去活着的信心，可是我突然相信，每个人都有他活着的意义。我一直都那么认为，只是突然忘了。追求目标才让人活起来，活着也许就是为了这样。
Its just me and you <3 .
10:40 PM
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Sigh, just finish watching <<识法代言人>>. Check out the pix under "i" to see its banner. Haha, although by right the main lead should be 汪明荃, but i guess in the end, the husband stole alot of limelight. If you've read my old entry, that's one entry abt my sudden enlightenment of "gentle guys". Haha.. ignroe the connotation behind it, I just like the father alot haha...
Fine. It's irrational obsession with the elderly or 恋老症，you name it. But it's rare to really find someone as optismistic and fun-lovin like him. And extremely caring, understanding n smart. Nobody i know, in reality, knows as many stories as he does or laughs as wholeheartedly and loudly as he does, except weilin perhaps, but the point being, he's a writer with the heart of gold. Not made of cold bloody metal, but rich and vibrant.
Maybe it's just my musings again.. over some irrational fabrication by some scriptwriter somewhere in hk. But couldn't I entertain a thought that perhaps, there is such a person out there, maybe? Maybe.
Its just me and you <3 .
11:19 PM
Monday, January 23, 2006
Memoirs of Geisha
Zhang Ziyi played the role of a young, rising geisha, Sayumi (i think) and Gongli acted as the flirtateous, vengeful Hatsumomo. One, who is abused from a young age by the other, rises up to be the star of tomorrow. To seek sweet revenge at the abuser. Such rivalry were amongst two beautiful women. Ironically, such creatures of beauty also embrace such ugliness as well.
Perhaps it was because I missed the front part of the movie, therefore I couldn't really feel much towards Sayumi. Indeed, the young girl that played young Sayumi is very eye-catchy. But somehow, the accents of some actresses made me turn off quite a bit. It's very dreadful to look at Asian (supposedly) Japanese faces, speaking English in their hometown Japan. At least, Michelle Yeoh's english is still acceptable.
To speak the truth, the movie really isn't that fantastic or awesome. It's just a lukewarm okay, you know. Things to watch out is.. erh.. gongli's acting, I feel it's better than zhang ziyi's. Feel like trashing her.. v villain-like. Michelle Yeoh's acting gives ppl the typical feel of a strong independent mamasan. Okay ignore the connotations of mamasan, just a motherly role example. Age is really taking on a toil on Michelle, cos it's quite evident on her face. Still, she has that inborn air within her to portray the role as a once-famous geisha, and still quite capable of capturing the hearts of men. Maybe it's becos I've an inclination towards strong women esp, I like her character the most. Haha. Strong yet gentle. Cold yet warm.
Anyway, the best scene of the movie, I suppose, is the one where Mameha (acted by michelle) taught Sayumi how to make a man stop in his tracks just by one look. Highly interesting. The thing i hate abt the directing is how the director never choose to shoot Michelle's face when she did that luring look at the guy. But he showed the one made by Sayumi. See the bias here. But e result is very cute. Sayumi created ahelluva havoc. Haha. It's worth watching the whole movie just for this scene man. Hoho...
Its just me and you <3 .
11:03 PM
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Solomon's JudgementI read this story from a book on Sigmund Freud's psychoanalysis theory. V interesting. Read on. It's supposedly taken from the Bible, I think? I'm not v sure of that. Anyway the story started with two women coming to Solomon. The first woman explained that both women were staying in the same house and had gave birth respectively to their children. She complained that the other woman had smothered her own baby in her sleep and had replaced her baby with the dead child. The latter rebutted that the first woman was lying and in fact, it's a story of thief calling thief. Solomon then suggested to divide the baby into two and give each woman a half of it. The first woman pleaded that the child be kept alive n be given to the other woman, while the other accepted the arrangement. So Solomon promptly passed the judgement that the first woman was the real mother.
What's the meaning of the story? The real mother would not sacrifice her own child, therefore she would sacrifice herself to preserve her child. However Freud, given his often erratic, out-of-the-world thinking, came up with a different interpretation. He determines that the second woman was acting out of a sense of social justice. That she feels the child should not live given that that her child had died. Therefore the story of Solomon's judgement is not merely one of motherly love, but also of the impact of jealously and hatred. Weird way of interpretation, isn't it? But interesting...
Its just me and you <3 .
11:14 PM
Monday, January 16, 2006
以前的理想情人总是得高头大马, 玉树临风; 黑黑壮壮的才能给人一种安全感. 可是最近看了些戏, 却有了截然不同的感觉: 体贴的情人往往更是可遇不可求. 哈哈最近在看汪明荃的 <<识法代言人>>, 很不错! 极力推荐!
故事是讲汪明荃饰演的"状妈", 开了间律师楼. 两个女儿也在同间公司上班, 可以算是个家族生意. 她的老公是个病夫. 哈哈, 不是东亚病夫的病夫, 而是名副其实的病夫. 他结婚两年就得了心脏病, 每两年就得作心脏绕道手术的那种. 好惨! 可是他确是乐天派的, 整天嘻嘻哈哈, 笑声是震耳欲聋的. 这对老夫老妻为了不让彼此担心, 总是悄悄地把自己的烦恼隐藏起来, 默默地为彼此付出.
出于真心的关怀, 不假思索的付出, 是如此可贵. 又有多少人会珍惜它们拥有的幸福呢?
Its just me and you <3 .
11:00 PM
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Listening to "The Journey".
I received Huilin's email, about a volunteer trip to Sri Lanka to rebuild houses for the people there. Although it costs $900, I do feel like I want to go. Maybe I'm not that weida and feel that urge to rush to others' aid, but more for myself, I feel like venturing out alone and learning. But it's a sure thing my family will object. I can predict what will happen. My mother will be complaining how dangerous it is there. How hot the weather is. Then my sister will start grumbling about the expenditure, and how she'll struggle to support me in my studies in U. In the end, I will just forget about it.
This gets damn irritating. In any case, I'm planning on a backpack trip to somewhere before the start of U. I'm borrowing travel books and reading up just for the fun of it. Maybe taiwan or something. I feel like travelling on a bike. That'll be fun! But kong bu! But that's v v challenging and certainly a memorable thing to do. But in any case, I need to find some zhi tong dao he de friends and buddies. And I have to save up. So between the $900 volunteering trip and backpacking, I'm not sure which to choose.
Today, I was listening to esther telling us about her yec. It sounds real fun and really like vnr. Wanlin (surprisingly! haha) is interested. Haha, when I first heard esther n jiayi joining yec, I'm v interested n tempted to join. but you know if they are joining tgt, it's weird for me to cha in as third party. So.. haha.. I find other chances. Then now, wanlin wants to join also, haha... someone to pei me. I'm interested. It's v similar to vnr, organising stuff like community service or sports, or fundraising or international trips. It really depends on your network n connections and funding for your project to push through. Haha.. interesting? Tell me if you are interested k?!
Its just me and you <3 .
9:55 PM
Saturday, January 14, 2006
The moon was very round today. A perfect night for campfire. Without the rain and flooded with Hwa-Chongians (old and young alike), the central plaza was brimming with the festive mood. But I missed most of it, because I was trapped in the toilet LS-ing. Pls ignore that last foul comment. Still, I missed last year's phoenix. It's more spectacular. A burning phoenix raising! But we had a rather splendid time singing Hwa Chong songs although the music was too soft (and despite the fact tt I have 2 annoying ginas beside me who are so noisy!).
We went to KAP when the campfire ended to have a glance at the grand juniors, who had went there even before I reached HCjC. Basically, the grand seniors (namely us, we're so old alr?!!) mingle within themselves, so we had little chance of knowing our successors. Then, we were discussing about jobs, and Huimin is eagerly persuading me to ask my parents to attend a travel fair. I could get commision out of it even, but disappointedly, my mother is utterly uninterested.
Still, we were discussing the possibility of holding a tuan bai for our class. By then, the NS-men will be out and joining us for cny celebration,or so we hope. Somehow, zichao's house was nominated. Haha, then I remembered last year, we went to Little India to get crabs for Zebra to cook! Hahas, what about this year? I'm alr lookin forward to it!
Then I was extremely efficient when I got home. First, I did my accounts and came up with a plan to save money. Eat less, walk more, take less bus. Then I tidied my drawer and sort out the letters. It's very interesting to sort out the letters and cards accumulated over the years. I dug out the fake love letters that somebody/bodies sent to me earlier this year. I suspect it is/they are foul play sent by people in my class. Terribly bored, I must say. But it's funny reading how desperate my "admirer" is. Can the culprit pls own up! You know who I'm suspecting.
Then I was lookin through the old xmas cards. Then there was this one that caught my attention especially. "Aunty Tay.... from Jack". And I was wondering wth is Aunty Tay?! Who's Jack? I don't know any Jack, or Jill for that matter. Then I realise it's my old neighbour, that Sheng Sheng. His mom is still very close to my mom. But "Aunty Tay"?! Abish. Am I that old?! But thankfully the contents of the card is still rather flattering, so I won't blame him. It's v interesting to read these old stuff, maybe one day I'll start writing to anybody hahaz...
Its just me and you <3 .
2:50 AM
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I just realised I like to write. Well, on my blog. It helps me to visualise or vocalise my thoughts. Organise the often raging tots as well. But I have no knack in writing essays (just see my GP marks), if not I don't mind being a writer. Haha. Enough of day-dreaming.
Since the day I met up with Huoy Fen and Susanti, and had a nice chat over katong laksa, I've this impulse to join an organisation. Voluntary or activity-based. Initially I thought I was looking for a voluntary organisation. But after some soul-searching, haha, maybe I'm not that noble. Being the impulsive person I am, I don't believe my want to help others would sustain for long. Instead, I realise, maybe, my thirst for adventure and knowledge is more long-lasting. At this point of time, I'm more concerned with self-discovery and learning more. Service will come at a later part of my life.
So I figured, just now, I should join an outdoor activity organisation. Which ideally also helps people in one way or another. At least, in this way, my want to help people would last longer. At least I know I will not last interest so easily and stop halfway, and end up beating up myself for it. But after surfing the net and searching since I reached home, I hadn't found anything suitable.
There's OBS, SALT, BASIC, SAC, SMF. But they seem more activity-based and fun-seeking than sincerely wanting to help people. On the other hand, Red Cross, MCYS, Prisons, Probation Volunteers seem more inclined to community work than learning skills. What I want is an organisation where I can undergo courses and at the same time be certified so at least I seem more abled and equipped to use those skills learnt to help others. Like basic first aid. I've learnt some very very basic ones from Esther, some via books, others via the one day first aid course. But I'm not certified and certainly not confident of doing first aid.
Even though I'm in VNR, alot of the skills are either imparted partly or forgotten. Most of the survival skills I only learnt by reading the books the seniors left behind. I don't feel equipped with these knowledge, I feel even more inadequate. Like Einstein said, the more you know, the more you realise you don't know. Thinking back, I really regretted not pushing the exco to allow us to take up courses to certify us. Now, regretfully, I'm trying to find an organisation that will fulfil all these. But I can't find any! Somebody help me!
Its just me and you <3 .
11:50 PM
There's a thousand things raging through my mind now so let me sort out my tots first. Well, I should probably start with a story. The story is taken from a recent Hongkong series called 识法代言人. I've learnt not to underestimate the power of the media, (in this case, TV series) unlike what Mrs Baddiley had said abt the TV being mind-eroding and meaningless. Well, because some shows do carry a message. And it's up to an individual how he/she deciphers it.
In the story, there's a girl whose sister and brother-in-law are facing a divorce. Basically, the brother-in-law is a real good guy who is caring, understanding, tolerant and filial to the sister's parents. And the parents loved him all the more. But the thing about him is that he lacks the fire. The fire to propel him up the ranks of his career. In short, he is satisfied with the way things are and doesn't see a need to improve/change. On the other hand, his wife/the sister, doesn't see it that way.
She's an extremely aggressive person. You could say, she is more westerned-cultured. Well, her character is more headstrong and individualistic. Naturally, she hopes that her husband can excel as much as she does. But no matter how she pushes, the husband doesn't change. It's not as if the husband is stubborn or what. It's just that they have different beliefs and expectations. The husband tends to think more with his heart and works by his conscience, while the wife thinks with her brain and works for the prize.
Actually, I can understand why they behave the ways they behave. And, really, nobody is at fault. But because of this difference in beliefs, the couple drifted apart and started squabbling rather often. Or rather, the husband was always the one being scolded. Subsequently, the sister, who couldn't be satisfed (emotionally i mean), had an affair and that led to their divorce.
At some point time, the sister was actually feeling guilty of her betrayal, but because of some thwarted fate, she was led to believe that the husband was in fact having an affair of his own. Out of anger, she asked for a divorce. But truth be told, the husband was totally faithful. However, being the caring person he is and knowing how badly the divorce is affecting everyone (the whole family and his wife), he admitted to adultery. So they have a swiftier separation.
But the family believed the husband and everyone blames the sister. Although her attitude is rather harsh and she is the one who committed adultery in the first place, nobody really looked at the issue from her perspective. At the same time, the husband is equally to be blamed, because he failed to communicate with her. He had naively thought cooing his wife would do the trick. Basically there are so many sides of the issue that there is no distinct right or wrong.
Now comes the moral of my story. Basically the whole family, especially the sister, was disorientated by the divorce. Because of its complexity, she began to doubt her ability to distinguish between the right and the wrong. So she started skipping her law lessons because she had lost faith in the things she does. Well, that kind of puts my own plight into perspective. When I watched this show, I was momentarily shocked by how similar our situations are. Except that she got over it in 2 days, while I'm still at it after 2 years. Mine's more extensive too. It spills over into almost everything I do.
Alot of people misunderstood what I've went through in the past 2 years. Some thought I had issues with academic work, with the S papers stuff and such. Others thought I wasn't happy with my friends or even with my appearance. Well, of course not. Do I really look so superficious? To sum it all up, it has been a personal problem. Like wanlin aptly put it, an identity crisis. So I posted this example to summarise my 2 years. For those who didn't understand it before, or had part of the picture, I hope you got the full picture now. Maybe then, you can understand my old entries.
Its just me and you <3 .
10:53 PM
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Job offered by ProtempsVacancies: 8 (A levels/Poly grad only)
Location: NUS Office
Work Type: Admin work- Financial Aid Assistance
Pay: $6 per hour (not known if there'll be OT)
Duration: lasts for 1 1/2 months
What is the job about: Basically do admin work, data entry, typing.
Contact: Alice @ 63372188 (protemps job agency).
PS. Don't call me.. I working.
Its just me and you <3 .
12:32 PM
Monday, January 09, 2006
How's the new look? I like the sleepy gal in the background.
N I did abit of stuff at the "I" part. Something I always wanted to do. And ya updated the links, basically. Did some housekeeping, so people.. tag!
Its just me and you <3 .
12:32 AM
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Now that everyone is either working or in NS, there's lesser outings. Kinda borin'. My life now is mainly made up of work, watchin tv or series borrowed and sleepin. Well, dreams can be, sometimes, a form of enjoyment/entertainment provided I remember them. I read somewhere that people usually have 4-5 dreams per night. But we only remember those that have a significant message. Interesting, isn't it?
I just watched Narnia. Nice. Homely. I like the lion. Basically, I just don't have much to talk about it, but it's very pleasant to watch, haha.
Other than movies, my life consists of reading fanfic stories online. Gossamer.org has become sort of another home for me. Sustain me, like 精神粮食. Lots of nice stories there, on Mulder and Scully, if you get the drift. Well, I sort of know the episodes and seasons so maybe it's easy for me to catch e plot. But there's alot of alternative universe as the settings. Read some that are linked to charmed. Erh.. I'm still reading stories by DONNA. She's a rather good writer. Very apt characterisation so far, for both characters. Read quite a few good MSR stories by her.
Yesterday, I just bought 阿信's CD "special thanks to..." Rather nice although i only got used to his style after listening for a few times. There's a few songs that he borrowed from other singers. The songs tend to be v 搞怪, like 爱情三十六计(with 小丸子). It never fails to tickle me everytime I listen to it and imagining Jolin singing it. 牵挂 is very sweet and the lyrics are very meaningful. 摆开烦恼 is a damn cocky song, with this irritating guy (with the same voice as elmo) at the background doing his own commentary and even singing along. Damn cock this song. Haha.. I'm going to listen to the CD again. Cya..
Its just me and you <3 .
4:50 PM
Monday, January 02, 2006
Apparently I must have eaten something uncooked/not properly cooked/dirty food. Because I LS like practically the whole day, except times when I finally fell asleep. Maybe it's the oysters because it seems like I was the only person in the whole row who ate that. They are nice but I think they are also the culprit for my plight. Damn. Anyway, this will be a long entry because I'm walking down memory lane.
Anyway, we had this stayover at Timo's house to celebrate the arrival of 2006. Haha when channel 5 was broadcasting the countdown, we did a small celebration of our own. Purging our cans of soya bean into the air to yam-sing. Haha damn crappy stuff but still, it's celebration of some form. Then we had the usual mahjong which we gave up shortly to do puzzle. Haha and we finished it! And I must admit, Kok Chong do have some talent in piecing a puzzle.
We are two days in 2006 and I'm down with diarrhoea. What bad luck! But still, looking back, the two years have been eventful. First, getting into HCJC (I still refuse to call it HCI). Then, getting in 7A. And then knowing ew to form YEW. Haha, it's very happening to be in this class and in YEW. And then getting into VNR.
Of course, there are lots of ups and downs during the two short years in HCJC. Like in the very start of the first year, I 遇人不孰, got into alot of trouble about the rented vcds. That changed me quite abit. It sort of devastate my entire value system and allow me to see things in new perspectives. Blessing in disguise maybe.
And then the first year was really tons of fun for me. It's like I relived my teenage years (okay fine I'm still a teenager, but I feel so old already!) beccause staying in the company of Wanlin and Esther was like being with two kids. Haha, well I was also always up to no good. But that was, sadly put, more in the first year. Well, there were more class outings then. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
During the second year, there were more things that popped up. For instance, there was the pon-ing of S paper lessons (ok I deserve it if I get U for my S, but wadeva, I did try). Sometimes that was fun because I would get to go home with the gals and such. But because of S papers and all the mugging, there are lesser of class outings. But there were more of cliques and small groups outings, which I enjoy also. Haha. More shopping, more gossiping.
But truth is, if things are put into perspective, J1 was more fun. I remember those times when we always stayed back after school or after whatever things just to hang around and talk. Okay, some people may just say we are fei-ing around. That's what slacking is all about, isn't it? Then, we will gather around to play lame truth or dare (but usually only a small group of peeps are participating). Haha, well doing the video and watching it with others, bring back alot of fond memories. Watching it alone is very different from watching with others and hearing them talking about it. The feeling is more.. satisfying.
There's the night before the release of O levels results when we stayed back in school to rot at ZEN. And the bball sessions that last into the nights. Or the ziwei's send-off. And the football match-watching cum mahjong sessions held at yuanwei's house. Then, we had those sessions of lame get-tgts to learn more abt one n another. Although it's essential haha, but still looking back, it's funny. Then at the end of year 1, I was busy doing VNR stuff, planning land ex, cf and training camp.
Talking about that, haha I can't forget the night bike and the trip to Geylang at night. Memorable and unforgettable. Cf was v fun when I get tgt to plan stuff with Wanlin and Huoy Fen. Den training camp, well, that's another story, but I'll always remember the walk leading the "kids" around CCK at the middle of the night silently. And then walking e real-dark road back to campsite. The 12km trek from sch to cemetary during the nite. The stayover at the cemetary and looking at orion. Alot of friendship built durin that time although there were alot of politics going on.
Well, on top of cca and class politics, a big chunk of the problem also lies with me. Okay, first, talk about the class politics. Well, that's too sensitive to talk about it here. But alot of things are going on in the dark, which I now know, (which I still believe should be declared right at the start and save everyone the agony) and alot of troubles solved. There's alot of musings and chats with online kakis and blogs-viewing. It's a blessing and also a misfortune. But it's not to say the second year was so full of downs that it's utterly bad. Well, we got to know ZAI better. At least we had that cooperative group thing going for Chem S.
But still, alot of my personal dilemma has alot to do with me. I may not have sorted it out yet, but still I hope there's this someone that can guide me along. I don't even know where to start talking about it. Just knew that it's very complicated, very delicate, interverned and highly controversial. Who asks me to think so much? Haha. But that's me. I can't just change as I please. Maybe after two years in JC, I've became a changed person definitely. Or maybe I'm just encountering my teenage problems. Maybe I shouldn't think too much about which route is the correct one to take. Maybe there's only one correct route to take because ultimately you can only choose one.
Its just me and you <3 .
10:49 PM
天真. 人是该天真些, 人间才会充满希望. 少了些天真, 就多了些狡诈, 也多了一份心机.
我认识的人当中, 有的很纯真, 但也不该叫天真. 难听的也可以叫蠢, 可是不能这样讲, 我会招徕杀身之祸的. 要是依我所说, 天真会带给人们希望, 那希望幻灭的时候, 又怎么办? 哭诉不得, 因为这只是你的一厢情愿. 又能怨谁? 一切都是咎由自取. 一句话, 活该!
话虽如此, 但谁又从来没有天真的幻想过一些不实际的事呢? 人要学会的, 是做完梦如何抽身, 别再泥足深陷.也许抽身就代表另一个梦的开始, 也蛮不错的.
人和人之间, 为什么会变的那么复杂? 简简单单的不好吗? 少了几份坦诚, 多了一份猜疑. 有的人可能可以继续当着没事发生, 如常生活, 可是对我而言, 很难过. 我相信朋友之间, 最重要的是坦诚. 友谊不是该建立在坦诚的基础上吗? 不管谁对谁错.
Its just me and you <3 .
12:02 PM